We met in 1999 on the campus of New York University.  Within a few months of dates, we began talking about what our visions were of the future.  Both of us had already decided children would be a part of that future.  Although initially we didn't discuss specific plans on how and when we would start a family, we let time pass until we were ready.

A few years ago we began to seriously talk about how we would start a family.  We initially liked the idea of surrogacy, with each of us being the biological father of one child.  This meant we would have two children, which we later realized one child may best for us.  Apart from the cost of surrogacy easily reaching $140,000, we began considering adoption.

As an initial resource, we contacted the LGBT Center in New York City about Becoming Parents.  The first Thursday of every month they have a Wanna be Moms and Dads group meeting.  We went to three meetings to get a foundation of information and resources.  Every month there is a guest speaker or couple that shares their story on how they started their family.  Thankfully, the first meeting we attended featured a couple who adopted through Friends in Adoption (FIA).  We spoke with the gay couple at length about their process--as this was all very new to us.

We researched a number of additional adoption agencies online and spoke with a few agencies via email and phone interviews.  After a few month we concluded that we made the best connection with FIA.  We went with our gut feeling.  We signed up for their Getting Acquainted Workshop in Vermont.

We chose FIA because of their strong support for birthmothers and the counseling they provide the birthmother before, during and after the pregnancy.  They assist the woman in forming a adoption plan to find the right family for their child.  Most adoptions through FIA are from the hospital and are open adoptions--meaning the birthparents and the adopting parents agree on the level of communication they plan to have after the adoption.

Our adoption agency recommended a number of social workers and we choose one nearby to complete our home study.  We had two home study visits that took about 3 to 4 hours each.  The social worker took many notes for her report concerning who we were, our family history, our neighborhood and how we plan to parent.  She assisted us in completing the paperwork she needed to complete her report and sending it to our adoption agency.

At this stage we began writing our profile and assembling pictures to send to a graphics artist who could turn our words and pictures into a storybook of our lives (as seen on our website).

We now wait for our adoption agency to locate a birth mother that wishes to work with us.  If all goes well, we will wish to work with her.  At that time both the birthmother and we agree to exclusively work together on this journey.

A few things that we haven't yet figured out are:
    - The process to make sure both of us are listed on the birth certificate.
    - The process to make sure both of us our listed as legal parents.
    - The process to change our child's last name to a combination of our last names.

From the time we met with FIA to the time we were active on their books was 6 months.  We expect to wait 6-18 months before we are matched with a birthmother, at which time the birth could be months or weeks away.

Decided together on the path to creating a family.  We chose domestic open adoption.

Located resources in and around our community.  We spoke with the NYC LGBT office.

We began working with an adoption agency that catered to open adoption.  We chose FIA.

We completed our two home study visits with our social worker.

We completed all paperwork and our profile to become active with our adoption agency.

NOTE: This information is simply provided as a resource and not as instructions as to how a gay family should start a family.  There are a number of ways to start a family.  There is foster care, surrogacy (gestational and traditional), adoption or simply being great uncles or aunts.

If you have any questions and would like to speak with us directly, please email us at FamilyThroughAdoption@yahoo.com.